you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize