every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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