i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
