I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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