we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
