There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We have started to decorate penises.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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