I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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