since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
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