And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
just found out that she named her cat after me.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize