He disabled his match.com account in front of me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
