final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
