We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
