Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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