me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
