at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
