Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
