The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
