He kissed a someone with a penis
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize