hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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