Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
