weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
