The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
