last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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