This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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