that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
