can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
