This girl is more easily done than said...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
