Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Randomize
