I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
