Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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