my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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