this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I have aggressive nipples.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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