I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
