Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
