we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
