I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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