i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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