i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
