dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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