dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
