remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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