how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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