A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She's JV to your varsity
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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