Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
