His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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