You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
