I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
