I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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