Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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