You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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