It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
