i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
