never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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