He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
