I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
