I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
