I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
