I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
