I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
