Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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