Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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