Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
