I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
