Kareoke will never be a sober sport
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
