The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
