awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
