someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
