This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Still dying that you shit outside
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
