The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
