You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
