Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
