i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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