Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
