the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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